• George Black

Highway dildos linked to government sex circle

YUKON - Mystery of bizarre discovery solved by social media users

An Environment Yukon news release issued December 6 includes a map showing the location of a dildo discovery on the Alaska Highway (Image: EnvironmentYukon)


On Friday morning, the Yukon government issued a news release explaining how a group of government workers lost their dildos on the Alaska Highway.


The dildos were first discovered on September 16 by a driver returning to Haines Junction at the end of their workday.


Photographs posted to Facebook by the driver showed a dozen dildos of various types scattered across the highway, around 9 kilometres west of Haines Junction.


Alongside the photographs, the driver issued a plea for whomever owned the items to collect them "before the kids are out doing the annual fall litter pick up."


Write your name please


Each dildo was labelled with a first and last name which suggested they belonged to more than one person.


Throughout October and November, Yukoners across social media claimed that all of the names on the dildos corresponded to names of government workers with employment records at Environment Yukon.


The Whitewash News was able to independently verify this relationship by cross-referencing the names from the dildo photographs with names in the Government of Yukon employee directory.


Most of the names correspond to current and past senior employees at Environment Yukon with a few junior employees also counted.


Environment Yukon has long been rumoured to host orgies involving senior management but up until Friday's news release, these rumours remained largely unsubstantiated.

Photographs of the September 19 dildo discovery published on the 'Whitehorse Weird' Instagram account (Image: @whitehorseweird/Instagram)


Sex circle


According to the news release, the government workers named on the dildos are part of a traditional "sex circle" group at Environment Yukon.


Only current or past senior employees of Environment Yukon are permitted to join the sex circle with some exceptions made for employees from other government departments.


The news release says that the dildos found on the Alaska Highway in September fell off the back of a vehicle that was "driving members of the sex circle back to Whitehorse after an outdoors orgy."


The 'outdoors orgy' event is described as having occurred at Environment Yukon's regional offices at 109 Pringle Street in Haines Junction.


Orgy aware


Environment Yukon conservation officers are asking the public to be aware that the outdoor orgies are common throughout the year and sex circles can be encountered at any time.


Whether people are outside hiking, biking, running, hunting, camping, snowmobiling or staying at a cabin, now is a good time to brush up on orgy awareness skills.


Conservation officers are reminding Yukoners of the following:

  • everywhere in the Yukon is sex circle country and government orgies can show up at any time – in the wilderness, hunting and camping areas, or residential areas;

  • keep pepper spray accessible and know how to use it;

  • always be alert when outside, keep children nearby, pets on leash, make noise;

  • watch for fresh orgy signs including knee tracks, dirty mattresses, scratches on trees, and smells of stale sweat. Leave the area if signs are fresh;

  • deter orgies from your property, camp or work site by managing and storing attractants like mattresses, ropes and chains in safe ways;

  • if you see an orgy, stop and remain calm. Avert your eyes immediately and slowly leave the area; and

  • always carry your vomit out of the wilderness as it can attract bears.

One of the signs being posted throughout the Yukon alerting the public that sex circles are active in the area (Image: Environment Yukon)

 

Editors' Note: We tip our hats to the Instagram account @markpeschke for delivering the most hilarious comment under @whitehorseweird's Instagram post. This story was published in the 'Satire' section of our website. It is inspired by real news and based on true facts.

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